I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
