I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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