Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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