I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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