all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
