Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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