I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
