we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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