I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize