I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
