:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
