Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
