Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
