you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
