I wish I could teleport
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
