Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
