i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
