why didn't you poke me back
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
