Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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