glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
