I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
handjob tips. give me some.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
