Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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