I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I have fence marks all over my body
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
