We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
