grandma shit on top of the toilet
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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