i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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