Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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