I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
