She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
