Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
