just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
please don't ironically join a cult
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