guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
