I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize