I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
