You made me cry and you don't even care
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
