I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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