Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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