Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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