It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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