She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
