Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
