why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
