i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
