I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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