i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
