her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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