I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
