So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
