She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize