You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
