Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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