I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
