dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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