I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize