Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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