i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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