I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
