I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
