so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
