It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I wish there were birth control emojis
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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