Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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