its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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