the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
