i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize