So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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