One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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