you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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