i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
