All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
