Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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