actually, I'm a sock model
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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