I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
