Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
