Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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