dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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