Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
