I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
