She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
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