she was so not down for the gang bang
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
