In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
