Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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