Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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