I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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