I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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