make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
