btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
