Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
