she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
