I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize