All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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