god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
