I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
