The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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