My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
