sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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