I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
