just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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