Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I made him laugh his dick is mine
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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